The Liminal World in Practice -- Time to Be Kissed
There
are many ways to be greeted, a nod, a handshake, a wave, a wink, or a
kiss; nonetheless, numerous. In my Introduction to Sociology class, I am
supposed to greet a stranger or whomever with a greeting kiss. For
Americans, this is out of the social normative, meaning it is not what
“we” do normally in everyday action. More precisely, by the textbook
definition, “norms,” “normative/s,” “social norms,” are the established
standards of behavior maintained a society. In this case, I am referring
to my immediate surrounding community of Denver, and my co-workers, schoolmates, family, and friends.
Let
me start again, I decided initially to do this, by this I mean the
experiment for my sociology class, but later thought better of it. The
experiment became to stressful, distracting, and overwhelming scenarios
spun within my head of “how should I do this?” “Under what conditions
should it is approached?” Or was it simply an “out of the norm”
experiment, where my own my bias—and my own hang ups were getting in the
way?
The
experiment was about stepping out, outside the social norms, see what
reactions occurred, and then—explain, if need be, the over the line
experiment. I could not do it—say for one exception.
Let
me explain, the “greeting kiss” oft reflected as an European and Latin
gestures in foreign films—and in reality—are not part of the United
States “normative” culture, with a couple of caveats. This considered
“out of the norm behavior” can be tolerated at bars, faux party, and or
after intimate relations upon departure. Such greetings are often fad
like, here in the US, and must be establish within an “in-group” (those like us) scenario “clickish” behavior.
As
seen from an “insider” perspective must lay the foundation for
outrageous behavior that such it considered the “norm.” However, viewed
from the outside of the “in-group”[1]
the behavior will appear deviant. I, nonetheless, am not with such a
group—not now anyway. Nor am I in a setting where reality can be pushed
to the sidelines, such as science fiction convention, where such
behavior may not be considered outside the “normative.”
So
this was my dilemma, my life consisted of work, school, sci-fi Friday,
work, school, sci-fi Friday, friend with benefits, work, school, sci-fi
Friday—so on and so forth. I do not associate at bars, I have not been
at science fiction convention in more than a year, and to be truthful,
the novelty of school has seen better days. For a number of reasons, on
the average, I am twice the age of the average college bound student.
Second, as such the priorities have shifted from youthful fancies.
Third, behavior like “hanging out” with students, who are considerably
younger than me, would not be considered part of the “norm,” unless of
course, I share similar interests, which for the most part I do not.
Oh,
I may like some of the new generation’s music; I may even enjoy it. A
good song is good song, but the convention of the “greeting kiss,” to
return to the subject, here within US is not part of the social norm.
And yes, I understand that this was a sociology experiment; nonetheless,
stretching outside of the “norm” within the realm I wished to endeavor,
at the least, for the moment, or for that matter, willing to risk my
own personal comfort.
With that said, there are times, when exceeding outside of the “norm” is
wanted, necessary, or desired such things for me, as an older student,
understood the premise of the exercise (this is the benefit of being
older).
I am wrapped in my own comfortableness of knowing what my boundaries are, and knowing when to violate them.
This
“violating” as defined by sociology—is simply, the going beyond, or
outside, or disruptive, or out of the ordinary behavior of what is
considered normalcy of a culture or a society. This “greeting kiss” is
such an item. For instance, the “greeting kiss,” if you will, was a form
of identifying other Christians, being part of the body, and later
became transformed. “ritual kissing” as identified by Michael Penn, in
his article “Ritual Kissing, Heresy and the Emergence of Early Christian
Orthodoxy,” was a standard part of greeting, prayers, euchorist,
baptisms, and ordinations” (Penn, p 625).[2]
In
the fourth and fifth century, the “ritual kiss” became something more,
it morphed into something more of apolitical naturel. According to Penn,
a division within Christian orthodoxy used “ritual kissing” as a tool
for heresy (Penn, p 627). How this “ritual kissing” and “greeting
kissing” in some European countries became the social norm has not been
sufficiently researched by this author—but I will contend that it was
born from early Christian identification.
As
put forth by Penn, the “ritual kiss” was part of their “norms” for
Christians. He asserts, “Apostle Paul and most authoritative patristic
[…] supported its [ritual kissing] practice” (Penn p 626). He further
accounts for Mary Douglas, an anthropologist, of the “correlations” of
the “physical” and the “permeability” of the “social body” (Penn p 627).
In other words, the symbols, and physical acts are represented—and
attributed to the rituals of the society.
This
is true of “ritual kissing,” or the “social greeting kiss,” or even
proclamation of knighthood by the Queen are inevitably are transmitted
into the cultural mores. How the “social greeting kiss” became
unacceptable within the US
culture and separate from our European ancestry may be interesting
point of order for another paper. Nonetheless, the “greeting kiss” is
not part of the norm of American culture—say for one—the elite. Or more
appropriately the “faux royalty” of American society,
identified as celebrity, which comes in the forms of movie and
television stars, politician, and old money jetsetters display “their”
groups social norms for each other in “faux air kissing” or the
“greeting kiss” (one on the right cheek).
However,
my lack of participation in such an experiment for sociology was more
of the reflection status of where my time is being spent than a social
corrections or preconceived “social perceptions” of such displays. My
current group set, if you will, was not predisposed for experimentation.
Nevertheless, if my family lived in town (they are in California), the “greeting kiss” may have been appropriate.
I can see it now, with my three sisters and mom, as I greet each with a greeting kiss, in the tradition of Netherlands,
right-left-right. At first, they would find it curious—but later go
with it. I think may be suspicious of me (my motives)—pondering, “What
does big bro want?” Of course, I will not explain my gesture unless
asked, and even I will deflect—and state “just because I love you,”
which is not a lie—and is a true sentiment.
I
love them all dearly. I will, at the least, get a pity look—from them.
And then it will begin, the onslaught of questions: how am I , how is
work, school, and who is current love interest is—and that soulful
disappointment look that I am getting married anytime soon. And I, of
course, will sit there absorbing their pity and their unconditional love
that is family—and unbridled with sisterly and motherly affections—will
accept their attention. It will be tough task take—but I am after
all—big bro.
The
other possible scenario was not out of form of the box was after
intimate relations. To show one’s mate the tenderness and kindness—not
immediately after coitus, but in its “after glow”; the situational
relaxation and affection of intimacy. To give the “greeting kiss” as a
“departure kiss” may be considered as “the norm”—and outside of the
normative.
I
recently did this with my friends with benefits, she reciprocated in
kind. Her reaction, in fact, seemed to become even more warming and
affectionate. A week later, I greeted her with the “greeting kiss.”
There was no peculiar look, no suspicious eye—just a warm feeling of
familiarity. We sat and talked for quite a while, the usual “stuff” that
brought us together had shifted from the foreground to the background.
The status of our relationship had been transformed; not because of a
“kiss” but maybe because of a shifting of “our” attitudes,
and maybe because of the “season” ; we both had family members die
during the “holiday season.” This is as an aspect for consideration.
We
both know that, neither of us will be extending the relationship beyond
its “practical” function, but we as individual share, for the moment, a
closer heart beat, to fill the void of despair. Nonetheless, it shall
not be more than that—school and careers are too important to us. Hence,
the reason for the discussion, she and I felt a different sense of
urgency the last time together, and from time to time we re-evaluate our
status of our beneficial relationship. In many ways, it is very
clinical at times. It is what happens, when you are dealing with
anthropology major, and a medical student. We both get lost in our
fields of study—and worlds of academia.
As
for looking upon “the greeting kiss,” the timing of it as such was
merely coincidental. After a fashion, most of life’s experiences are a
series of coincidences. The “greeting kiss” is another aspect of this,
whether accepted or viewed as a taboo, the “greeting kiss” reveals that
the layers of social instruction of a society is dependent upon its
willingness to adjust to what is consider its “norms”—and how long it
will be considered deviant.
This
is what I mean, the longer deviancy is sustained, the easier the
absorption of the behavior into culture normalcy. At one point of time,
Christianity, Hindu, and Catholicism were considered out of the
norms—but now have been co-opted from within society. The lack of
co-option of the “greeting kiss” within American culture may be due to
several possible explanations. Too many to elaborate on in this paper,
nevertheless the “greeting kiss” has its own cultural rules within
American society. For me this experiment relied on many subjective
“social controls.” As defined by Richard T. Schaefer book “Sociology 10th
Edition”, “the techniques and strategies for preventing deviant human
behavior in any society” (p 179). And for me, these particular controls
“conditioned” my own muted response. Now, I feel, I have left the
experiment unresolved, and untested—but my own realization of this maybe
a tribute to the experiment itself. The true experiment is how one
place values, ideals, and behavior, in and out of society’s view and its
purview enabling the enaction of the outside the group societal
behavior. So, I leave with departing “greeting kiss” of the Netherlands—right, left, right. Good day.
Bibliography
McElhinny,
Bonnie. “’Kissing a Baby Is Not at All Good for Him’: Infant Mortality,
Medicine, and Colonial Modernity, in the U.S.-Occupied Philippines” American Anthropologist, Vol. 107, Issue 2, pp 183-194.
Penn,
Michael, “Ritual Kissing, Heresy and the Emergence of Earthly Christian
Orthodoxy” Journal of Ecclesiastical History, Vol. 54 No. 4: October
2005.
Schaefer, Richard T., “Sociology 10th Edition,” McGraw-Hill Co. (2006).
[1] This termed is defined in Richard T. Schaefer book, Sociology 10th Edition, as “any group or category to which people feel they belong” (p 133).
[2] I
found this bit of research fascinating. I had not thought of kissing
may have been transformed from a religious perspective. I found this bit
of information online via the EBSCO database. Journal of Ecclesiastical
History, Vol. 54 No. 4 October 2005.
Comments